Matthew 9:3-8 "And behold some of the scribes said within themselves: He blasphemeth. And Jesus seeing their thoughts, said: Why do you think evil in your hearts? Whether is easier, to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee: or to say, Arise, and walk? But that you may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (then said he to the man sick of palsy,) Arise, take up thy bed, and go into thy house. And he arose, and went into his house. And the multitude seeing it, feared, and glorified God that gave such power to men."

John 20:19-23 "Now when it was late that same day, the first of the week, and the doors were shut, where the disciples were gathered together, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in the midst, and said to them: Peace be to you. And when he had said this, he shewed them his hands and his side. The disciples therefore were glad, when they saw the Lord. He said therefore to them again: Peace be to you. As the Father hath sent me, I also send you. When he had said this, he breathed on them; and he said to them: Receive ye the Holy Ghost. Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained."

"The tears of the penitents are wine for the angels." -- St. Bernard

 
 
 

 
The Sacrament of Penance -- also known as "Confession" or, in the Novus Ordo World, as "Reconciliation" -- is such a gift! It can be very hard to do -- it can be intimidating, and feel embarrassing -- but once absolution is given, you will walk out of that confessional feeling like a trillion bucks. Christ, in His most Holy Wisdom, gave us this precious Sacrament to literally and truly bestow His grace upon us through His priests as a means of forgiving us and assuring us of His mercy and love for us. This psychological benefit of "feeling assured" and "clean again" stems not only from the supernatural fruits of the Sacrament, but from our human nature and our need to purge ourselves of those things that plague our consciences. Christ, the Great Physician, knows us well and knows that "confession is good for the soul," in both a supernatural and psychological sense. As G.K. Chesterton wrote:

When a Catholic comes from confession, he does truly, by definition, step out into that dawn of his own beginning... in that brief ritual God has really remade him in His own image. He may be grey and gouty; but he is only five minutes old.

I have talked to many people who've been terrified to go to Confession; all I can say is be a brave soldier and buck up and "just do it." Christ Himself wants this of you, so just resolve to do the right thing. Millions of Catholics over the course of 2,000 years have braved the "little dark box" (at least metaphorically; though Confession has been around since Day 1, the Confessional is a 7th. century Irish gift to the Church); you can, too. Priests have heard it all, trust me, and nothing you say can ever be repeated to anyone in any way that could identify you -- not to the police, not to another priest, not to anyone under any circumstances -- even court orders, even if something is revealed that could pose a danger to someone, etc. In fact, a priest is automatically excommunicated if he were to violate the "Seal of Confession"!

And if you're worried because you're "new at this," that's okay! It's okay to be nervous! It's okay to be afraid because this is something new and different to you. And it's okay to tell the priest how you feel. Just let him know it's your first Confession; he will put you at ease and help you through it and be so glad you've come to receive the graces our Lord wants to pour out on you!

It's not as scary as it seems to so many people. Really. But if you're still afraid, take a deep breath, pray for strength, go to Confession and receive His wonderful mercy! You will not regret it, I promise you!

If you've just been validly baptized, you don't need Confession, because Baptism wipes away all guilt of sin (and the temporal effects of sin, by the way). If, however, you were validly baptized years ago and are just now coming to this Sacrament for the first time, or if you're a Catholic who's been away from the Church for years, you might want to schedule an appointment with your priest to make what's known as a "General Confession," which includes sins of one's entire life, since it might take a bit longer than usual (general Confessions are also often made before before marriage or ordination). Normally, though, a person who's raised Catholic makes his first Confession right before he receives his first Holy Communion, usually at around the age of seven.

 

How to Go to Confession

The steps to Confession are:

• Examination of Conscience (detailed procedure at bottom of page)
• contrition
• the actual confessing of your sins to God through His priests
• the assigning of penance
• Act of Contrition
• Absolution
• carrying out your penance

I will go through each of these in detail below.
 

1. Examination of Conscience

Before we get to the church, we mentally review our sins and determine what needs to be confessed. There are various methods of doing this, but one good way is to consider your Duties to God, Church, family, society and to yourself to see where you've failed to honor them. A detailed way of doing this is provided in the "What to Confess: a guide to Examination of Conscience" section at the bottom of the page.

After entering the Church and making his first confession, a Catholic is required to go to Confession once a year (during Lent) and also at any time of the year he has mortal sin on his soul (is "not in a state of grace"), especially if he desires to receive the Eucharist. But weekly -- at least monthly -- Confessions are encouraged.

For standard, routine confessions, the Sacrament is usually offered before Mass, at least on weekends (see your parish or chapel's bulletin, parish website, or call your parish's office to find out when confession is offered). You can also call your priest to set up an appointment for the Sacrament (for "just reason" only, you have the option of receiving the Sacrament face to face, outside of the Confessional, but this is not standard and should not be treated as though it is). Be warned, though, that because of the Modernism attacking the Church, many non-traditionalist priests treat this Sacrament as, at best, "a little chat" (especially in the too common "face to face" confessions) or, worse, as nothing at all and so simply don't offer it frequently enough or allow only 15 minutes for the Confessions of an entire parish before Mass. Some fail to follow the proper form so as to render your Confession invalid! The solution to these problems is: find another parish or a chapel with a traditional priest and traditional Mass. Fast.

If you have a particularly long confession to make, or are looking for major spiritual advice or to have a conversation, make an appointment with your priest.

What Penance is: it is the Sacramental pardoning of the eternal effects of our sins for which we are truly contrite. It is effected by Christ, Who paid their eternal wages with His Passion, Resurrection, and Ascension, through His priests using proper form, which are the words "ego te absolvo" (or "I absolve you" in English). Through the Sacrament, Christ gives us not only forgiveness, but grace to remain steadfast.

What Penance is not: psychotherapy. While the priest may give you some direction and advice in the Confessional, if you have general problems or spiritual issues you want to discuss, you should set an appointment to talk with him. This is especially true at a Confession before Mass where people are in line behind you and time is short. Be mindful of the priest's and others' time, and remember "the three Bs of confession": Be sorry, be brief, be gone.

 

2. Contrition

Contrition is willful regret for one's sins. It isn't a matter of one's "feelings" of guilt, but of conviction of the evil of sin and the resolution to sin no more. In other words, contrition is rooted in the will, not in the emotions. For example, some people are more emotional than others: some get a case of the "scruples" and feel shame or guilt over any little thing, whether it's sin or not; others can have committed murder and never "wallow" in guilt but are still truly contrite. The one is not necessarily more "holy" or making a better Confession than the other. What matters is their conviction -- their will to offend God no more, and their resolution to make reparations as far as possible, do their penance, and patiently bear the temporal effects of their sins. Without contrition, Confession is not valid.

"Imperfect Contrition" (also called "attrition") is regret out of fear of God's just punishments for sin; "Perfect Contrition" is regret for having offended God. We must always strive for the latter, which always absolves sin in itself if it is coupled with the will to also receive the Sacrament.

One of the keys to confession is the desire to be rid of all of one's sins. If this is your will, if this is your desire, if you are willing to confess all of your sins and do your penance and resolve to sin no more, then your sins will be forgiven -- all of them, even those you may have truly forgotten about. But don't kid yourself, either, and think you can skip mentioning this sin or that one because you're embarrassed. Don't lie to yourself, to your priest, or to God, by omission.
 

3. Confessing Your Sins to God through His priests

When you get to the church at the time the Sacrament is offered, you may or may not find a line of people standing or lined up in a pew outside the Confessional. Just take your place in line, keeping a wide berth of the Confessional itself if it is occupied by a fellow penitent. Please note that it is very rude to be near the Confessional when someone else is using it! Though I've never overheard anyone in the Confessional, it could feasibly happen. If this were to happen, the one who overhears should take all steps to not hear, and should never, ever repeat anything he might have heard.

Some confessionals have a green light shining when a priest is ready and available in the Confessional, and a red light shining when someone is in the Confessional with him, receiving the Sacrament. Others don't. In any case, when it's your turn, enter the Confessional and kneel. You may barely see the priest on the other side of the grille (the screen which separates you).

When you are ready to begin, make the Sign of the Cross and say, in a whisper, but loud enough so he can hear you:

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It is (X days, weeks, months, years) since my last Confession. I accuse myself of the following sins.

You then name the sins you need to confess, indicating, in the case of mortal sins, how many times you've committed them. If you're unsure of exact numbers -- but only if you are unsure -- tell him "about how many" times you've committed the sin. Ex., "I've lied to my mother twice, I stole a candy bar from work once, I've had lustful thoughts too many times to count, etc."

Don't go into a lot of detail, don't name other people who may have sinned with you, but do tell him what he needs to know in order to understand relevant circumstances of the particular sins -- that is, circumstances that might mitigate your culpability or make you more culpable. For example, telling him about stealing a loaf of bread because you were starving will elicit a different penance and spiritual direction than if you tell him you stole a stack of money because you wanted to buy some porn. If you are unsure as to whether a particular act was a sin, tell him. As you speak, he may stop you to ask you questions for clarification.

When you are finished, indicate so by saying something like the following traditional words:

For these and all the sins of my past life, I ask pardon of God, penance, and absolution from you, Father.

Don't panic if you later recall sins you forgot to confess: remember that if you were willing to confess all of your mortal sins but simply forgot a few, they are forgiven. The same holds true for sins you hadn't known were sins before you went to confession (which sins generally can't, by definition, be mortal. See the page on Catholic Moral Theology for more information). You should, though, confess those sins at your next confession, but, please, relax and know that you are forgiven if you truly willed to confess all mortal sins but simply forgot about or didn't know were sins in the first place.

 

4. Penance

Now the priest will give you penance to help you pay for the temporal effects of your sins. He might ask you to say certain prayers (the old "Say three Hail Marys"), he may ask you to read certain parts of Scripture. If there is restitution to be made, he might ask you to do so. Whatever he asks you to do, accomplish it as soon as possible after leaving the Confessional.

 

5. Act of Contrition

Now you will make an Act of Contrition to express your sorrow at having offended God and resolving to sin no more. The traditional way of doing this is to recite aloud the prayer called "Act of Contrition":

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.

If you are comfortable doing so, you may say the prayer in Latin:

Deus meus, ex toto corde poenitet me omnium meorum peccatorum, eaque detestor, quia peccando, non solum poenas a Te iuste statutas promeritus sum, sed praesertim quia offendi Te, summum bonum, ac dignum qui super omnia diligaris. Ideo firmiter propono, adiuvante gratia Tua, de cetero me non peccaturum peccandique occasiones proximas fugiturum. Amen.

If you have a hard time memorizing (which is OK!), you can pray aloud using your own words to the same effect -- i.e., expressing your contrition for having displeased God and resolving to sin no more and avoid the near occasions of sin -- but you should try to memorize the traditional Act of Contrition and teach it to your children. You can also have the prayer written out or on a Holy Card to carry with you in the Confessional. (Note: a "near occasion of sin" is a situation in which you are likely to sin. For ex., going to the mall might be a "near occasion of sin" for a kleptomaniac who hasn't learned to control his behavior; keeping company alone with a girl he is extremely attracted to in a sexual way might be a near occasion of sin for a man, etc.)

 

6. Absolution

Now comes the good part (it may come as you make your Act of Contrition, so don't be confused if the priest starts whispering in Latin as you pray): Christ, through His priest, grants you absolution in a form that includes the words below. Without the words in italics (the very form of the Sacrament) in either Latin or English (or whatever language is being spoken by the priest), the Sacrament is not valid:

Dominus noster Jesus Christus te absolvat; et ego auctoritate ipsius te absolvo ab omni vinculo excommunicationis (sespensionis) et interdicti in quantum possum et tu indiges. [making the Sign of the Cross:] Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.

English:
May our Lord Jesus Christ absolve you; and by His authority I absolve you from every bond of excommunication and interdict, so far as my power allows and your needs require. [making the Sign of the Cross:] Thereupon, I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

He will pray a prayer for you:

Passio Domini nostri Jesu Christi, merita Beatae Mariae Virginis et omnium sanctorum, quidquid boni feceris vel mail sustinueris sint tibi in remissionem peccatorum, augmentum gratiae et praemium vitae aeternae.

English:
May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the saints obtain for you that whatever good you do or whatever evil you bear might merit for you the remission of your sins, the increase of grace and the reward of everlasting life.

The Sacrament is now complete. The priest will dismiss you, perhaps with a final blessing. Thank him, cross yourself, and leave the Confessional. (If it is before Mass and people were in line behind you, it is kind to give the priest an idea as to how many people are awaiting Confession).
 

7. Carrying out your Penance

As soon as possible, carry out the penance you were given. Do all you can to avoid near occasions of sin, to bear patiently the temporal effects of the sins you've committed, and to make restitution to anyone you've harmed. You may add penances of your own devising to the one(s) the priest gave you.

Please know that if you accidentally do your penance incorrectly or, God forbid, you don't carry out your penance at all, you are still forgiven. It is Christ's absolution, through the priest, that forgives your sins, not the penance. In other words, if the priest were to tell you to pray three Hail Marys, and you miscount and pray only two, and realize your mistake later, you are still forgiven. Go ahead and pray the third Hail Mary and get on with your life. Don't worry about not being forgiven.

(Read a "sample confession" so you can see how easily it all goes)

After Confession

Rejoice and be grateful! Consider what has been done for you! Savor the sweet knowledge that you are forgiven. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God Who takes away the sins of the world! He has said the word, and you have been healed!

Now you must imitate Christ by forgiving others as you have been forgiven:

Matthew 6:9-15
Thus therefore shall you pray: Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our supersubstantial bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. Amen. For if you will forgive men their offences, your heavenly Father will forgive you also your offences. But if you will not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your offences.

Consider the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant:

Matthew 18:21-35
Then came Peter unto him and said: Lord, how often shall my brother offend against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith to him: I say not to thee, till seven times; but till seventy times seven times. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened to a king, who would take an account of his servants. And when he had begun to take the account, one was brought to him, that owed him ten thousand talents. And as he had not wherewith to pay it, his lord commanded that he should be sold, and his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made.

But that servant falling down, besought him, saying: Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And the lord of that servant being moved with pity, let him go and forgave him the debt. But when that servant was gone out, he found one of his fellow servants that owed him an hundred pence: and laying hold of him, throttled him, saying: Pay what thou owest. And his fellow servant falling down, besought him, saying: Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he paid the debt.

Now his fellow servants seeing what was done, were very much grieved, and they came and told their lord all that was done. Then his lord called him; and said to him: Thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all the debt, because thou besoughtest me: Shouldst not thou then have had compassion also on thy fellow servant, even as I had compassion on thee? And his lord being angry, delivered him to the torturers until he paid all the debt. So also shall my heavenly Father do to you, if you forgive not every one his brother from your hearts.

Think of those against whom you hold grudges. Consider vengeful feelings you might have, or any petty ways you strike back at or undermine others. Make peace with those you've wronged; forgive those who've wronged you. This doesn't mean to be stupid, to "forget" that you've been wronged, or to allow yourself to be abused. It means simply letting go of anger and vengeance, and praying that the evil-doers stop doing their evil and come to Christ.

One other way the grace of the Sacrament of Penance may be received

As indicated above, perfect contrition absolves sin in itself. Thus, if one is sorry for one's sins but is trapped on a desert island without a priest, one needn't fear being damned if unable to confess in the normal way. We are bound by the Sacraments; God is not, and He has many ways of pouring out His grace to us!

Perfect contrition, though, includes the desire to obey God and not offend Him further -- and God wants us to confess our sins to Him through one of His priests. Therefore, if one can, one must go to Confession if there is a mortal sin to confess, or at least once a year. If one is unable to confess in the normal way, but would confess in the normal way if it were possible, then merciful God provides.

Notes and Tidbits on Confession

"General Absolution" such as is given in "communal penance services" in which a priest "absolves" an entire group of their sins is highly illicit unless it is a serious emergency (you're all on the Titanic, you're a group of soldiers getting ready to go into battle, etc.) If you are in a group that receives such an "absolution," you are still required to go to individual Confession if it is at all possible.

If, for serious and just reason, you need to make a Confession to a priest outside of a Confessional, kneel and carry on as above. The priest might lay his stole on your shoulder as you confess.

Confession of venial sins to laymen is a sacramental and has the same power to remit sins as does the use of such things as Holy Water. The practice is also healing to human relationships, so if you've sinned against someone, confess your sorrow to him in addition to confessing to your priest! There is a beautiful Lenten custom practiced before going to see the priest for Confession during Lent: one bows before each member of the household and to any one has sinned against, and says, "In the Name of Christ, forgive me if I've offended you." The one being asked for forgiveness responds with "God will forgive you." This lovely practice doesn't have to be for Lent only...

For inspiration, read how Christ forgives from the Cross (Luke 23:33-34), the story of Mary Magdalen, the Parable of The Two Debtors (Luke 7:36-50), and the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). See also St. Ephraem's "Homily on the Sinful Woman."

Finally, I want to add a thought for those who might feel that confession is futile because we always ends up sinning again and need to go back to confession, especially when it comes to sins that are rooted in bad habits (vices) that can be hard to overcome: think of this sacrament in the same way we think of cleaning the house. Yes, we have to keep dusting, moppping, and doing the dishes when needed, and yes, it can be tiring and sometimes feel "futile," like a never-ending battle. But the only other option is to let the filth build up until our homes are unbearable. Confession is a "house-cleaning of the soul," a cleaning that needs to be repeated once in a while, but which we should embrace because the alternative is a lot, lot worse than the work put in to keeping things clean.

What to Confess?
A guide to Examination of Conscience

I John 5:16-17: He that knoweth his brother to sin a sin which is not to death, let him ask: and life shall be given to him who sinneth not to death. There is a sin unto death. For that I say not that any man ask. All iniquity is sin. And there is a sin unto death.

As said above, one only needs to confess mortal sins ("sins unto death"), so a good grasp of what this means is imperative. For a sin to be mortal, it has to meet three conditions:

• grave matter: does it involve breaking one of the 10 Commandments, committing one of the Sins that Cry out to Heaven, or failing to uphold the 6 Precepts of the Church?
   
• full knowledge: did you know or should you have known that the act was sinful?
   
• deliberate consent: was your consent to this act sufficiently deliberate so as to be a choice? Were conditions present that influenced your ability to choose?

If you are unclear as to whether a sin meets all of the requirements above for a mortal sin, be safe and confess it, telling the priest of your lack of clarity so he can teach you so you'll know when you make examinations of conscience in the future.

As to venial sins (sins that don't meet the above requirements), you are free to confess them or not. Confessing them is definitely encouraged, but do be mindful of the priest's time and the time others need who may be standing in line behind you. If your Confession is before Mass, time is running short before Mass begins, there is a long line behind you, and you are wanting to confess venial sins only, you might want to hold off so that others who might have mortal sins to confess can see the priest before Mass starts.

If you are plagued by feelings of "not being forgiven" or being "unworthy" of the Sacrament of Penance, don't confess venial sins that you are doubtful about lest you find yourself with a case of "the scruples." A "scrupulous" person is one who has an unwarranted fear that something is a sin when it is not, or that he didn't confess properly and, so, isn't really forgiven. This doesn't refer to isolated incidents, but to a habitual way of feeling or thinking, an unwarranted fear, a sort of emotional obsession; it doesn't refer to true questions as to whether such and such a behavior is a sin or not. Anxiety is involved, and often a felt doubt as to the power of confession, the genuine-ness one's contrition, and the extent of God's Divine Mercy. If you have a good, orthodox Confessor, trust him and his advice, and tell him about any scruples you needlessly suffer from; he may be able to help you! And pray to St. Alphonsus Liguori, the great moral theologian who suffered from scruples himself and is now the patron saint of the scrupulous. For some practical advice in dealing with scruples, see "The Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous" written by Redemptorist priests.

Now, below are some questions to ask yourself regarding our duties in life, the answers to which might help you in examining your conscience and deciding what to confess. At least, the answers might help you to know where to focus your energies so you can become a better servant of God. You can download these questions in pdf format: